Dear Ijeawele, or A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions

In Dear Ijeawele: A Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie offers a deeply personal yet universally relevant guide on raising a child to embrace gender equality. Written as a letter to a friend seeking advice on raising her daughter, Adichie blends poignant storytelling with incisive social critique, crafting a work that is both accessible and profoundly impactful. A central theme is the dismantling of gender roles. Adichie emphasizes the importance of teaching children that "gender is not an indicator of ability" and encourages questioning societal norms that perpetuate inequality. Her advice to empower girls by prioritizing self-worth over societal expectations is both timely and transformative. Reading this book reshaped my understanding of feminism, highlighting the subtle ways gender biases manifest in everyday life. Adichie’s candid examples—from language choices to the division of domestic labor—compelled me to reflect on my own actions and assumptions. While the book’s conversational tone makes it engaging, its brevity sometimes leaves certain ideas underexplored. Readers seeking more depth may find themselves wanting additional context or examples. Overall, Dear Ijeawele is an inspiring and practical guide for fostering equality. Its simplicity is its strength, making it a must-read for parents and anyone committed to a more equitable world.

Spend $10 to buy this book right now. It's brilliantly simple, gentle but direct, unapologetic, and earnest. It took me a mere 15 minutes to get halfway through it this morning while getting ready for work, and now I'm itching to get back home to finish it. EVERYONE should read this book and it MUST change the way you interact with all those you love: women, men, girls, and boys alike. When I hear the word feminism, I think, "Oh, to be a feminist I have to be really in-your-face, angry, on a pointed mission, purposeful about flouting cultural norms, and anti-men." I know I'm wrong... but that's unfortunately the ingrained association I have with that word, and thus I've always felt unfit to call myself (or even to aspire to be) a feminist. Yet of course I want to set an amazing example for my children of how to be an unstoppable human being -- is that "in spite of" being a woman? is it "because" I'm a woman? is it because I am who I am, which is a lot of different things? In the span of a few pages, Adichie swiftly opens my eyes to a completely different definition of what it means to be a feminist: feminism is about being empowered, educated, authentic, and tenacious. Who wouldn't want to live in a society in which ALL individuals felt they were on equal footing to demonstrate those attributes?? I'm only halfway through this book and yet my spirits are renewed and my hope that I truly can make a difference is revitalized. Read this book... and then pass it on to everyone you love.

My coworker and friend gave me this book when my twin daughters turned 5 - more of a birthday present for me, I suppose. I read this book in an hour, and refer back to it often, reading even a few age appropriate lines to my girls, now alomost 8. This book is derived from a letter the author of the book Ms. Adichie wrote her friend, Ijeawele, when Ijeawele had her first baby. Ijeawele reached out to her friend for advice on raising her daughter. Among the 15 beautifully packaged pieces of advice Ms. Adichie gives her friend, the following themes resonated with me. I've taken the liberty of paraphrasing in my own inartful way. -Be a full person yourself, but ask for help when you need it. My interpretation: Don't be ashamed to work outside the home. Your kid will be fine. -Raise your child together with your partner - women shouldn't be relegated just to the female roles. My interpretation: You are both equal parents. Dad doesn't need a standing ovation when he changes a diaper - he should be doing this. -"Because you are a girl" is never a reason for anything. Ever. No interpretation needed. -Teach her to reject likeability. Teach her to be brave, kind and to stand up for herself. My interpretation: "You do you!" Being kind, brave and assertive are not mutually exclusive things. Overall, lots of very good advice in an easily readable format.

This is an engaging, to the point, accessible read. It is very practical and presents feminist theory as something to be lived, not just discussed, so it serves as a handbook as well as a book of feminist theory. Parents will find this the most useful as it sets out Adichie's feminist beliefs surrounding gender roles and how patriarchy affects children, but I enjoyed it as well. It does not get bogged down with technical jargon - Adichie skillfully simplifies complicated theory into more accessible language. My only criticism is that it does occasionally move into cissexist territory, and knowing Adichie's beliefs surrounding trans politics, I would recommend people to keep this in mind when they read it.

I thank the day that my friend sent me Ms. Adichie's TED Talk, "The Danger of a Single Story" because since then, I have followed and read just about everything she has written or stated publicly. "Dear Ijeawele" fits into the same bracket with all of Ms. Adichie;s previous work---enlightening. I have a two year old girl and home, and will certainly be taking the majority of the advice that she gave us in this concise read. I am a teacher, and my female students often come to me for advice and certainly, this book gives me material to inform my thoughts before saying things that could be potentially damaging to them. Thank you, Ms. Adichie, for writing such a beautiful piece. Your words are words that I needed to hear as a young girl, when I wanted to be things that society told me that I couldn't. In regards to the recent character attacks on Ms. Adichie, I am very disappointed. Please do not let this affect your purchase. If you read her books, you will understand her comments. In Dear Ijeawele, she states in her fifteenth suggestion, "Teach her about difference. make difference ordinary. Make difference normal. Teach her not to attach value to difference. And the reason for this is not to be fair or nice, but merely to be human and practical.(61)" I am so happy that I read this book, because this is simply what she was stating about the difference between women and trans-women. She was not devaluing anyone. I thank her for standing up and being a voice for women. Brilliant book!

"I matter. I matter equally. Not ‘if only’. Not ‘as long as’. I matter equally. Full stop." This book is a very small book (65 pages) with very important messages. I wanted to highligh everything. Please read it! The text that follows is a personal sharing and not a comment on the book. Is is about my journey and why I am commited to educating myself about privile and feminism. Consider yourself warned, be gentle and proceed with caution. I grew up with 5 brothers and all my life I did the same things they did: I loved stories, I played with legos, I had dolls but also cars and Dinosaurs (barbies use to ride a T-Rex), I had a bike and rollerblades and loved them. I did not like football, but not all of them did anyway, and it was mostly because of my clumsiness. I run in parks, climbed trees and got dirty. I did this almost always wearing a dress or leggins because of the freedom of movement. I was always able to choose my own clothes, except when we had lunch with my grandparents. I grew loving books, music and board games. I love Star Wars and Lord of the Rings as well as Beauty and the Beast, Little Mermaid and Alladin (We all still know these movies by heart). I was always absolutely convinced I would study STEM subjects. My father advised me to choose any engineering course (because I loved math and physics) but I chose biochemistry. I hated it so much that I wanted to get as far away from the subject as possible and went on to study management, specializing in finance. I did not know how privileged I was when I was growing up. In fact, I am still learning about privilege in general. I knew I was privileged in many areas of my life: I grew up with a family, I was able to study and have nothing significant lacking in my life. I am aware that this is a huge amount of privilege obviously, what I didn’t understand was how lucky I was to grow in a family that teach me I could be whatever I wanted. When I started going to interviews I was asked if I had a boyfriend, when was I planning to have kids and if I felt comfortable travelling since it would affect the family. When I started working in corporate finance we were 8 women in approximately 40 employees and only one was a Director. When I started going to client board meetings I was almost always the only woman in the room. In 10 years of consultancy I only spoke with 3 women with decision making power and only one of them was CEO. When we decided to have kids I really wanted a girl because of the extra challenge of preparing her for a world that it is still not equal for women. I wanted to raise a girl to be whatever she wants but aware of her privilege, as well as the dificulties she might face. Little did I know about the immensity of a challenge it is. I know what I want to teach her and is absolutely in line with everything written in this book. The problem is educating society. Society begins to invent gender roles even before they are born! I keep explaining to my husband’s family the kind of toys and clothes I want and go on receiving kitchen appliances and pink babies. At this point, I am not even sure if she really likes pink and purple or if it was manipulated by the tons of pink objects available in the world (I try to choose everything in happy colours to counterbalance but it is a challenge). I keep seeing friends and family raising their kids with gender biases and its tricky to interfere as nobody likes to be told what to do. Gender injustice is real, but I always have to prove its existence and its exhausting. Even the friends that acknowledge gender injustice have difficulty in understanding that a lot of their actions and language are gender biased. I feel very lucky with my life and what I have accomplished. I want to see more females in positions of power. I want it not to feel like luck and to be available to all women. I will keep educating myself and force my friends do the same and eventually we will #BreakTheBias.

Great read! It was an evening read for me and I recommend this book!

This quick and informative read would make the perfect gift for any baby shower, regardless of gender. The author discusses serious matters in a thoughtful yet light hearted voice, while offering substantial suggestions. There are examples of an issue, with accompanying solutions. I love the writing style and look forward to reading more of Adichie's work.