LUXE Bidet NEO 320 - Warm Water, Dual Nozzle, Self-Cleaning, Non-Electric Bidet Attachment for Toilet Seat, Adjustable Water Pressure, Rear & Feminine Wash (White)

1) What a great product that eliminates the need of toilet paper towels. Very hygienic and Works great. Very easy to install and easy to operate. 2) The flat base of The Luxe Bidet Neo 320 is placed under toilet cover. If the homeowner is a ‘Do it Yourself type person, the Installation process is easy. 3). The hot and cold water lines are connected with the two inlets located under control knobs of the bidet. 4). Remove existing toilet seat covers to install the bidet. First place bidet base on toilet rim. Put back removed or new toilet seat cover flap on the bidet and align holes of seat cover, bidet slots and toilet unit rim holes and tight whole assembly with the bolts. 5). Make sure that toilet seat cover and Turntable and adjustable slots of bidet base attaches tightly enough with the main unit of toilet thru bolts. 6). In a sitting position, user can access Two control knobs located on right side. Lifting the front knob lever triggers the water flow in the bidet nozzles that cleans the intended dirty part of the body. The same front knob controls Hot and Cold Water. Turning the knob in the left direction flows cold water. Turning it right flows hot water and keeping the knob in the middle or center flows warm water. The water pressure increases as you gently lift the knob upward from the front tip. To stop the water flow, push the knob down at front tip. 7). The 2nd rotating knob controls the position of the flow of water to clean targeted part of the the body exposed under the toilet cover flaps. 8). After using this bidet, User can easily feel the difference between conventional use of toilet paper and the Bidet. Toilet paper only wipes the dirty part but this modern tool, the Bidet, not only cleans the body part also washes dirty part of the body with water. User must understand that there is lot of difference between wiping with paper and cleanin with the water. 9). Some people use tumbler in the toilet to clean body parts with the water. The Bidet eliminates the use of the tumbler. 10). I have installed Neo320 Bidets in my 3 toilets and they all work great. 11). When my My relatives and friends, who have never used bidets in their life , use bidets first time at my home, they impress so much that they do not forget to give good complements about the bidets and inquire us about the seller’s address to install same units in their house. More than dozens of friends and relatives have followed us in installing the bidets. 12). One thing is not understandable, why Bidets are still absent in most modern and luxurious residential units and public places. Or why Bidets are not part of US toilets while in many Asian and European countries, Bidets usage is quite common. 13). After installation of 3 Bidets in my house, the usage of and expenditure on Toilet Paper has dramatically reduced. 14) The cost of $57 Bidet can be recovered within 6 months. There after, owner saves the future expenditures on Toilet papers. 15) Apart from saving future cost of toilet papers, the Bidet user individually contributes in saving trees and woods, the base material for paper towels. 16). Like Solar Panel energy, Bidets also helps in keeping environment clean and Green. Bidets also reduces the paper wastage and burden on garbage volume. Imagine, If every US house is equipped with average 2 Bidets, how much paper usage and paper waste can be reduced? 17). Apart from all other benefits, Bidets are certainly much better than paper towels as far as body hygiene is concerned. 18). The ‘Luxe Bidet Neo 320’ is extremely useful for body hygiene, simple to install, easy to use or operate, durable, convenient, easily cleanable, functional, environment friendly and a should be a must toilet fixture in every US Residential, Commercial, Industrial, Office Space or Public Place buildings. 19) One thing impressed me the most is, I purchased Neo 320 Bidet thru Amazon from this Seller before 11 months. after using Bidet without any problem, One Part of Bidet began to operate improperly, I requested the seller to send replacement part because the Bidet was under warranty. The Seller did not ask me any question and offered me completely New Free Bidet as replacement withou asking me to return the Bidet or without asking me to send Shipping and Handling Costs. This excellent Customer Service deserves good complements for trustability, reliability and extraordinary Reputation of the Seller. The Seller’s good gesture prompted me to change my previous review of the product and I must state that, Bidet product quality and Sellers customers service are one of the best among the competition.

When the idea of getting a Bidet was first presented to me, I was a bit unsure of whether or not I wanted to venture into territory like this. I have been doing the same thing for nearly 50 years and the thought of doing things differently now was kind of like the '3 seashells' running joke in the movie 'Demolition Man'. The overall cleanliness and health benefits seemed like a good thing and all of the positive reviews I had read finally pushed me to try something new. So about 5 years ago I searched on Amazon and found an inexpensive 'starter' Bidet from Luxe. It was the basic model, nothing fancy, just enough to get the job done and would be a quick refund if I just couldn't bring myself to use it. The installation was very easy and for being the basic model it didn't look so bad either. After looking at it for a few days, not being able to bring myself to use it a few times, the time finally came to give it a try. Not being sure of the controls yet, I unfortunately gave myself a surprise, kind of like being on the top of an ice cold water fountain. However, once I started to use my Luxe and got used to the controls I started to wonder why I did not do this many years earlier. Prior to this I had only felt this clean and fresh after taking a shower and no matter how soft or quilted the toilet paper was it never came close to feeling like this. After a short while, if at any point I needed to be away from my Luxe and use toilet paper like 'regular people', it was like using sandpaper and not something I ever wanted to do again. Now fast forward 5 years, my old basic model finally stopped working. When I first installed it I remember thinking that it was completely plastic and only costing $39 (or something like that), so I was honestly not expecting it to last more than a year or two. Now seeing how long this basic model actually lasted and knowing the quality of Luxe products, when my old one stopped working I didn't hesitate to go right back to them and see what they had available. I was literally on Amazon searching for a new unit within 10 minutes of realizing there was nothing I could do to save my bathroom best friend. There were a few more units from other companies now on Amazon, but I was no longer willing to take this decision lightly and risk a lesser quality unit. I knew what Luxe could do and I was curious to see how they had progressed over the last 5 years. They had a similar basic model available, but this time around, knowing what I know now, I decided to step it up a bit and get the Neo 320 (Elite Series). I chose this model for a number of reasons, the hot and cold water make a huge difference since I can now adjust the temperature and not have to worry about the early morning 'wake up call' of the purely cold water system. One tip, just run the cleaning cycle for a few seconds before using it to clear the cold water out of the tubes and get a nice mixture of warm water. The second thing I liked about this unit is the metal-ceramic core valves since I am pretty sure my old unit's plastic valves were what failed since there was no visible damage. The third reason was simply because I liked the idea of it being the 'Elite' series. If you are a fan of the TV show Frasier and have seen the episode 'DoorJam' you will get a sense of what I mean. So, I now had my new Luxe Neo 320 ordered and dreaded the wait, even though I have prime shipping, 2 days is like an eternity and once you get used to something like this you cannot go back. I would do anything and everything in my power to get home if the need arose anytime throughout the day, so being in my home and unable to use it was torture. In the meantime I kept playing with the controls on my old unit hoping and praying for just one more time, just a splash...anything, unfortunately nothing. The idea of having to go back to what now seemed like a barbaric process upset me and scared me. I cancelled all of my plans for the next few days, unwilling to face the world. The unit finally arrived and I already had the tools ready. It took me approx 20 mins, maybe less, to remove the old unit and install the new unit. I swapped out everything with the new parts and did not leave anything from the old unit so there was no shortcut of time there, simply meaning, even if you are installing it for the first time it should be pretty simple to do.The instructions were very simple and straight forward. Once installed I admired how nice the new design looked and how solid everything felt. I took it for a test drive and was very pleased with the operation of the unit and the overall water pressure, which was much better than my previous unit. Being without my Luxe Bidet for the 2 days waiting for the new unit to arrive was not something I ever wanted to do again. My next big decision now was whether or not cancel my upcoming vacation since I cannot bring my Luxe along. The thought of being on a Caribbean cruise in the middle of the ocean that far from my Luxe Bidet has me waking up at night in a cold sweat... All joking aside, this is an extremely solid unit made by an outstanding company and I will have one installed in my home until the end of time. Also, the added benefit of only needing to use toilet paper to dry yourself off, you not only save on that expense, but now without the daily 'sandpaper' use, you can truly claim yours is as smooth as a baby's behind.

When I received my bidet on Aug 25th, I was very excited because I never experienced one before & not only was it going to be my 1st time, but I was going to feel even more proud for being able to install it without any assistance. It was very simple, as I had everything I needed with the exception of a drill to bore a hole through the side of my sink cabinet for the hot water line. That in itself was no big deal. I had someone that would be over shortly with what I needed, but in the meantime, I just wanted to hook it up to give it a little test run. It was a little tricky as I needed to be careful to screw everything on secure enough to avoid leaking. I managed to get it just right. I tried it & it was amazing. I'd say that I played with it a handful of times before my company arrived to drill the hole in my cabinet. It worked perfectly until I hooked it back up & the water pressure turned to complete crap.....dunt...dunt....duuuuuuuhhhhhhh This is what I learned. Due to no fault of the company, the product I received failed. I feel however that if you are a person with plumbing that you are not in the habit of turning on & off at the point of connection, then it would be a very good idea to let the water run through the lines prior to completing your connections to the bidet. Do not do this just one time either, but turn the water on then back off several times before connecting. I say this because I noticed there were small black flecks coming out of the bidet while I was running it until my 2nd attempt at connecting & the water nearly completely stopped. All it wanted to do afterwards was dribble out therefore making what was an awesome investment into your basic trash. Now I'm completely convinced that those little black flecks managed to accumulate in the unit preventing it from functioning properly & once that happened, there was no way to clear it out. Stick a fork in it, it's done.... : ' ( So yeah I felt like a very disappointed kid that just wanted to get on the fun ride & the moment it was my turn.......it broke. Needless to say after trying to play with the unit a few times to get it to work, in the end, it defeated me. I had no choice but to jump back on here to begin the return/replacement process. Out of my disappointment though, I will say that the return process was very quick, convenient, & extremely painless. I selected the option for UPS to come pick up my package. They slapped a sticker on the side of the box, then took it away the very next day.....yeah I didn't have my bidet an entire day. I received it Monday evening, Aug 25th & had to return it Tues, Aug 26th. That really sucked. Anyway, my story continues & does have a happy ending. I received my replacement bidet earlier than the estimated arrival date. I receive tracking notifications on my phone, so I was very happy to get the message that my bidet was handed over to my postal carrier & would be delivered today, Sat, Aug 30th & not Wed, Oct 3rd.....AWESOME!!!! Armed with my new knowledge, I did what I have now advised you to do & that was to connect the lines to the water supply then run the water through several times to clear them of the black flecks I noticed previously. Another thing that I did which I haven't already mentioned, was I shortened the hot water line to the desired length before connecting it to the sink adapter. You definitely want to do that because once you get that rubber hose on there, it's most likely not going to come back off. I tried it the 1st time.....it was on there for life. Once I took care of the water lines & managed to get my connections secure with no leaking, I turned on the bidet & it now works as it should. I went through a few of the reviews before and after my purchase. Honestly, I understand some of the gripes. Sure the unit is plastic, but since I live alone & I generally take care of my things, I don't foresee this breaking on me anytime soon. I'm gentle. Besides, if it did break, I would definitely purchase another without hesitation. We'll see what happens 6mos down the line though as one reviewer stated a true review comes after you've had the product long enough to see how it holds up over time. Another reviewer had a gripe about being shot with cold water & stated that although you have the hot water connection, you still end up shocked by the cold as in most households, you do have to wait for your water to heat up. I'm not sure which unit type this reviewer had as I'm suspicious that some of these reviews may even come from different models, but the one I have is the one with the nozzle cleaning feature. I figured out the smart way to go about getting your water at the right temperature prior to use & that was to simply run it in nozzle cleaning mode on the hot water setting 1st. It's not rocket science, but it's really no different from how you may let your water run in the tub for a few minutes to get the temp right before turning on the shower. Now if you don't already do this, then I'm happy to have schooled you on this new way of doing your daily routine....hopefully everyone here does bathe daily....I don't generally like to make assumptions. If you are seriously considering purchasing a bidet, I would recommend this one because of the easy install, easy controls, nozzle cleaning feature, & especially the additional hot water connection. I had to get this particular unit because the winters here get pretty frigid. Sure cold tap water in the winter is good for drinking, but not hitting you where the sun doesn't shine.....or well....isn't supposed to be shining. I don't judge. I gave this product 5 stars because it is exactly what I expected. I don't believe you can take away a star because the unit is plastic as you are well aware of that that prior to purchase. I didn't take any stars away due to the malfunction of the 1st unit either because it was easily & quickly replaced. All I can say is that it's pretty awesome now & 6mos from now, should I remember to do so, I'll leave another review on how this item is doing, good or bad. ***I have made a new discovery, so this extra bit here is being added after my review above was already submitted. This applies to ladies only considering we have a little more to manage in our private area. I noticed that no one else has mentioned the fact that although there are only 3 settings for this bidet, you can actually use 2 of each of the settings simultaneously. Did anyone else discover this as well? Anyway, I'm not sure, but like I said, since it appears no one else has mentioned this in their reviews, I'm taking the liberty to mention it now. There are 2 separate nozzles that will come down depending which setting you have the unit on, wash or women. The wash setting is for the nozzle on the left & it's for both men & women of course because we all have an anus.....I hope. Now for the good part, the women setting applies to the nozzle on the right & it's clearly for the vaginal area. My discovery is this....should you turn your selection dial between settings, it will allow for both nozzles to come down simultaneously so that both the anus & vaginal area can be cleaned at once. I don't know if anyone else finds this cool or useful, but I love it and so just had to share that tidbit. Thanks for reading!

This comments section is loaded with excellent information. I like what I bought, but wouldn't chime in if I didn't feel like I had a couple of helpful points to add. For reasons I'll get to, my bidet has only today become fully functional. It was a Christmas present, and today is February 15th. I'd like to start by reaffirming that one should never make a gift to one's wife of any sort of home appliance. It's just wrong. But a bidet really can't be compared to a mixer or sewing machine. By it's nature, it's a highly personal, and, as I think she'll agree, an unusually considerate gift. With many hit or miss gifts over the years, I think I'm onto a winner here. Curiosity will hopefully one day prevail, and she'll begin to make use of the contraption. When she does, I'm confident that warm feelings of gratitude will flow (squirt?) in my direction. I got the idea years ago, during a trip to Japan. My mother in law had a high-end system. Very elaborate. Basically a computerized toilet. I didn't spend much time investigating, but it intrigued my wife greatly. After some experimentation, she had some pretty enthusiastic remarks about the thing. So this Christmas, the stars aligned. After reading this same set of comments on Amazon, it became obvious to me that the Luxe Neo 320 is a solid, very low-cost bidet that serves up hot and cold water, and can be installed by pretty much anybody. I'd rather be giving her one of the sophisticated Japanese things, the reviews here are right: you can't beat the value here. My installation wasn't completely problem free. First, I couldn't decide whether to buy replacement toilet seat bumpers, or a set of new ones. I bought the new, and should have bought replacement ones. Now when you put the seat up, you can see the holes where the original bumpers were. But they work perfectly, and the installation is a breeze. The cold and hot water lines attached onto the unit easily, and the last step is to run hot water to the unit. This step ended up delaying my installation by almost 2 months. Many commenters have noted that you will need a special adapter if your house has 1/2 inch hot water pipes. Mine does, and on Christmas night, I was eagerly hoping to rush order this part. In addition to the larger adapter, I was mindful of the trails described in the comments section trying to attach the plastic hot water hose. Thus, I had the idea to sidestep this problem by ordering the metal hot water hose shown in the installation guide. The Luxe web site has a menu with a long list of parts you can order. Neither of what I wanted were on there. Resolved to a delayed install, I sent an email to support and waited for a reply. It was Xmas holiday, but a few days later I got a nice reply explaining that the metal hose is not something the company offers for sale, and that the adapter I wanted was on back order. I was glad that they offered to mail me what I need as soon as the adapter is in stock, but unfortunately, this process lasted about 6 weeks. I finally received the part yesterday (on Valentine's Day, interestingly), and finished up the hot water hookup today. Now I will share with you my main reason for adding to this already packed comments section. In the six weeks I waited for the adapter to arrive, i had loads of time to plan how to deal with the plastic hot water hose-fitting issue. My fix was easy: I have an electric coil that will bring a cup of water to a boil very quickly. I simply plugged this in and heated the end of the hose for about one minute. It was still a bit of a feat, but I believe this made the process much easier than what others have described. Yes, I could have purchased reducing hardware myself and been up and running within a day or two of my discovery. I don't have much to say in my defense, other than I never expected the part to take so long to arrive. But despite the delay, I have a terrific impression of the company, and like practically everyone on this list, I think very highly of the design and quality of the product.

My brother had Luxe Bidet Neo 120 installed at his home and my wife and I loved it so much, we decided to purchase one for our bathroom. We thought we should spend a bit more and get the Luxe Bidet Neo 320 for its hot water capability - and I will comment first on using bidet units in general, and then on the difference between this particular item and the cheaper, cold water-only version. On using bidet units in general: The difference of using a bidet unit as opposed to traditional toilet is night and day, in my opinion. Let me just say that after moving to a new apartment and living for few weeks without having our bidet unit installed there due to the unique bathroom setup, I missed it. A lot. I use my bidet unit and then some toilet paper afterwards, and the feeling of cleanliness this affords is incomparable to just using toilet paper alone. I suppose the drawback here is that once you're used to this unit, there is no going back, as the saying goes. I would recommend to everyone to use or at least try any bidet unit for awhile (it may be a little bit uncomfortable in the beginning, but you get used to it fast). On Luxe Bidet Neo 320: Now to the real details. The real difference between this unit and a more affordable unit are (a) adjustable water temperature; and (b) built-in feminine nozzle. I personally have used the Neo 120 which didn't have these two features and had only one cold water nozzle, and let me tell you right now that you should consider purchasing this over the 120 if at all possible. Before using this unit, I thought the Neo 120 was good, but the cold water always comes as bit of a shock and you need to get used to it. Having warm water is not only much more pleasant experience, but (maybe it's just in my mind) it also feels like it's more effective as well. This advantage is also more pronounced if you live in cold climate like I do. I should also add that my wife says she thinks that having adjustable temperature is really big deal for her as well. I can't comment on the usefulness of the feminine nozzle, but she said it works well, in general. She said she has to move herself a bit to help its aim, a problem I never had - its aim always seemed spot on to me. Installation: I personally had bit of a problem connecting the hot water supply, but it was entirely due to my unorthodox bathroom setup and therefore it shouldn't discourage you. Overall, provided that your hot water supply isn't too far away (the hot water hose is about 9 ft. long), the installation process is straight-forward and can be done within minutes. You will need an adjustable wrench and some plumbing tape (optional, but highly recommended). If the hot water supply is indeed farther than 9 feet, then you can either order a longer hose from Luxe, or go to your local hardware store and buy one. The second approach will be much cheaper. Keep in mind that the connectors, especially the plastic ones are not too sturdy, so make sure you don't apply too much force to your wrench and damage the connector, leading to water leakage/damage. Usage: The nozzle aims are spot-on, the temperature control is very accurate - it can adjust the water temperature as well as the force of water spray. At the lowest force, the water is still quite forceful but that makes sense since otherwise it just won't be able to clean effectively at all. This may be a novel sensation at first but you will quickly get used to it. I personally enjoy it. I also very much like the nozzle guard, which keeps the nozzles protected. Overall, very pleased with the unit. Cons: There aren't many that I can think of. One may be that if you like to use warm to hot water (like my wife does), then keep in mind that the water in the hot water hose will cool down to room temperature between uses and it will take few seconds to "warm-up" to your desired temperature (like my wife should) but how can anyone fault the unit for physics? As I said earlier, the connectors are not too sturdy but a proper application of force will see that they're adequate for the purpose. The hoses and the unit itself are of good quality. Someone else mentioned that the control felt flimsy, but I disagree. I find it quite well-made and sturdy. This is one of the better purchases I have made in my life, and I congratulate Luxe for making this unit at a highly reasonable price/feature ratio.

Update 3.5 years later—The bidet is still working perfectly, and furthermore looks like it did when I installed it. One unanticipated outcome—It works so nicely and saves so much time, discomfort, and tissue during cleanup that I have come to hate using unequipped commodes away from home. I go out of my way not to have to do so—when I can help it. Original Six or seven years ago, during a visit to Japan, we were guests in a home that had a commode fitted with a “high tech Japanese” toilet seat—actually a seat featuring a bidet in which water pressure, duration of action, and water temperature were all automatically set in operation by pressing a button. It was my very first bidet experience. I was impressed very favorably by the unit, even though what I considered a slightly anemic water force often necessitated a second application for fully satisfactory results. Our experiences with that unit were sufficiently positive to prompt our looking into the possibility of installing at least one of them in our home upon our return. But price tags ranging from $500 to $800 were steep enough to discourage action until several months ago when a long lasting rash that had proved unresponsive to all medical control attempts became so severe that normal use of toilet paper became very painful and frequently induced surface bleeding. It became obvious that the wiping action itself was a primary part of the problem. As the situation worsened, the multi-hundred dollar cost for one of the Japanese units seemed less and less of a deterrent and I recommenced a renewed search of the online offerings in that line. That’s when I ran across the Amazon listings of the series of manually operated Luxe Bidet models at costs from 8 to 12 times less than the lowest priced fully automated units from Japan. Upon reading the preponderance of highly favorable Amazon reviews I decided to give one a try, selecting the Luxe Bidet Neo 320 (elite series) for the sake of the variable water temperature control. The installation turned out to be very straightforward. The fittings provided were of high quality and compatible with those in use on our toilet and under our vanity (for the hot water). To say that the installation achieved its goals is an understatement. The manual control over the force and location (male and females settings) of the spray result in a better cleansing job than provided by the automated high tech unit that had provided my first bidet experiences. Most importantly, the rash and intense accompanying itch that had plagued me for many months disappeared after a few days of use and have stayed away in the months that have passed since then. Another benefit has been an approximate halving in the rate of toilet tissue use—which is now primarily a blotting rather than wiping operation. I have been glad on a number of occasions that I opted for a unit with controllable water temperature. Water that’s been sitting in the pipes long enough to reach room temperature would be perfectly OK. But in a location like ours, close to the entry point of icy cold water from the city mains, that condition can last for only a few seconds Although I am giving a five star rating because of low cost, ease of installation, and living fully up to our expectations, there are one or two items that could be addressed. One is purely cosmetic, the other functional. On the cosmetic side, the body of the unit is very good looking. But the hot and cold water inlet hoses are a bit too conspicuous for my particular taste, coming in, horizontally as they do, and from slightly differing directions. I’d like it better if the two inlets were closer together and the hoses parallel. My taste would be matched even more closely if they came in vertically from below. However, since that would make it difficult cleaning the floor below without their getting in the way, I’d be content with the “nearer and parallel” improvement in hose positioning and alignment. On the functional side, the range of water jet adjustability is phenomenal, being easily set to anything between a gentle spray and/ a water jet strong enough to be outright painfu—if that's what the user might want. I would be very happy to exchange some of the excess available but unusable spray force for a slightly broader area of application. As it is now, the jet is a bit too narrow to provide total cleansing unless I do a little “squirming around” to widen and lengthen the area of application. However, relative to my last point, while our excellent water pressure would permit the suggested cure to be easily accomplished with a slight change in the nozzle configuration, the same redesign could well be counterproductive for users in areas with water pressure so low as to barely produce what could even be termed as a “jet.” All in all, it’s among my most useful purchases of the last several years

If you will allow me the time to tell you a story about this little bidet, I'll tell you how it has changed our rather simple, traditional lives and likely saved our sanity. But first, a little background about our family because a review without a frame of reference is as valid as a scale without numbers. You trust your friend's reviews more than mine because you have a reference, and I want you to trust what I am telling you. We are about as dwindling-middle-class, southern, white, north Americans as you can get. We believed the lies we were told about giving back to our community and my wife and I took up the cause, becoming a teacher and police officer (now former, but it makes me seem more ba-dass), respectively. Ten years of marriage and two awesome kids later, we're in debt up to our eyeballs, drive 10-year-old clunker cars and have a house in the 'burbs that's been under DIY restoration for over a year. Don't take our rendition of the storied American dream as complaining though, we still consider ourselves lucky and happy people to have our health and loving family all around us. Our kids (for anonymity we'll just call them Boy (6 years old) and Girl (3 years old) are smart as a whip and keep us on our toes, and now we pretty much live our lives to make theirs better - like most good Oregon-Trail-Generation parents would do. However, our kids plight in life seems to run counter to what we want for them. They seem bent on destruction. Much like larger, cuter Family Guy Stewies who can't be turned off with the click of a remote. You see, they became infested with a highly contagious, unknown-to-us parasite called pinworms. If you're like us and have never heard of these devilish little feces eaters, let me reassure you that it is not a prognosis you want to hear from your children's favorite health care professional. "Parasites!?" you ask. "What does your personal hygiene issue have to do with a product review for a bidet?!" Then it sets in... Without breaking the 4th wall and putting words in your mouth again, we'll use this aside to increase your education, you poor unsuspecting Amazon shopper in search of a more civilized way to remove poo from your otherwise sculpted posterior. You see, pinworms (medically, Enterobius vermicularis) are a parasite, only a few millimeters in length, that live solely in human colons and rectums. It gets worse... hold on. The female pinworms crawl out of a host's anus at night and lay microscopic eggs on the host's skin. This causes irritation, irritation causes scratching and scratching causes these little satanic spores to be spread around, both back to the host and to others by being eaten and sometimes inhaled. In fact, according to our family practitioner of mortifying news and various websites of similar renown, these little feces-hole-dwellers are more common than lice, extremely contagious and harder to get rid of than a Maker's Mark hangover in your 30's . FML. So, that was the news we received. I still remember the sinking feeling as my wife told me on the phone why the kids had been complaining about itchy rumps; all while I hurriedly drove home reading Web-MD (I know, I know... I probably wasn't buckled up either. I was panicking!) and my skin, you know where, started to crawl with anticipation of the evil lurking within. You know the line "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to the dark side." We pretty much went dark side in 3 seconds flat, I don't care who my daddy is. This is our course. The remedy for clearing up this less-than-optimal situation is two-fold. One: drugs. A type of anti-parasitic that you take once to knock out the adults and then wait two weeks (longest. two. weeks. ever.) to take it again to knock out any newly hatched anal spawns. By the way, should you find yourself in this unfortunate situation, these pills will set you back about $250 A PIECE. Thankfully we have decent insurance, but most carriers don't cover it anymore because the drug companies are all apparently owned by Martin Shkreli (speaking of pains in the rear). Avoiding politics... the second piece is hyper-cleaning everything, every day. We're not talking about dusting and some lysol here. We're talking about stripping the beds every single day of this process, boiling your sheets and clothes or as close to that as your washing machine will get, quarantining kids toys, washing hands until they crack and bleed, burning your house to the ground... you start to get the idea. That's where the bidet finally comes into play. One of the recommendations is that, because the fecal spawns only lay potentially airborne microscopic eggs at night, washing the butts of those afflicted first thing in the morning will go a long way towards the prevention of reinfecting anyone else. Our doc said wet wipes, I said screw that we're upgrading the toilet! Enter in our rectum rectifier, our washer of wangs, cleaner of <wife removed>, hygienicizer of hinies, tidyer of <also wife removed>, freshener of farters... the Neo 320 bidet! For the price we paid (less than 3.5 times one of those pills!), the peace of mind knowing that my kids' rears are now daily power-washed and no longer launching spores into the air with each giggly toot, I'd easily go into even more debt and pay 10 times what we did. We also enjoy the cleaner, fresher feeling and reduced paperwork in the house. It will be even better when our lovely munchkins no longer view it as the new toy (admittedly we torched and cloroxed the rest of their toys into oblivion), trying to see which sprayer can launch nerf darts the furthest. For the record, >12 feet, the length of our equipped bathroom, on either sprayer at full tilt. To date, my wife and I have not seen any indication that these little nuggets of grossness have been passed over to us. We are diligently doing our part to rid the world of these things, no matter the cost of sanity, time or wealth. We tribute at least part of that success to this bidet, which we are very pleased with. The TLDR version is get one, installation is easy and it's highly effective at ridding bottoms of poo and parasites. We will be buying another one whenever we have our 2nd bathroom remodel done

Once you decide to buy one, you wonder why these aren't everywhere. The quick answer is that toilet technology has advanced rather rapidly, outhouses weren't that long ago. Thomas Crapper only died 5 yeas ago in 1910! So, communal toilets were the European housing norm until the 50's . Some apartment houses still shared a toilet until the 70's. Remember National Lampoons European Vacation? Hotels throughout Europe frequently had communal wash closets. So, the bidet wasn't much more than a manual operation until fairly recently. Americans don't like manual toilet water splashing! Then in the GREAT WAR, moist interactions with bidets were soldiers going to brothels, so that wasn't something they wanted to bring home to their best girl. So, bidets and toilet technology progressed (hello Japan) while we continued smushing and smearing our way to clogged pipes. LUXE's bidet is underpriced for the quality of the product they provide. They are making hygiene accessible and affordable. 30 years ago women were squirting themselves with vinegar and perfumes to smell like the eve of summer. Well, what if you could freshen up with a quick spritz every time you used the bathroom? You would practically squeak when you walked. Hey guys, ever get an itch? I mean a waay up in there ITCH! What if you could grab a mini power washer to clean up that whole situation in a few seconds? In fact, why don't you use a mini power washer to clean up every time? Would you just smear it with toilet paper if it were on your floor? So, why carry ground zero around on your body with the same cleaning strategy? Do you want ground zero to represent you? Grab the hose, stick your thumb over the nozzle, or get the pressure washer and clean that mess up. Then spend a few dollars and buy one of these. It will pay for itself with toilet paper savings alone. NGLTF, HRC, PFLAG, you need to be STRONG promoters of LUXE bidets! LUXE, you need to sponsor one of their events. HOSPICE, you need to provide families with a bidet on your first visit. Proctologists, gynecologists, urulogists, why aren't these in every office? LUXE, you need to blow up your brand recognition with an app, and it will make the biggest splash if you set it up as an Amazon Free App of the Day. Make it a good app that overdelivers, and exceeds expectations, just like your product, and a significant sample of your target market will turn their attention toward you instantly. Maybe it's a suite of throne games like crossword puzzles, paper toss, or other simple games people already play while on the throne. (#ThroneGames )You could go poop themes, but it's better if you don't. Give away e-books. Have a health and fitness app that tracks water intake, and bathroom use, automatically if it's on a LUXE toilet. Hell, you could even team up with TellTale Games and sponsor a new iteration of the Game of Thrones since they are ready for a second storyline. Offer multiple Throne Games to keep people talking about your clever product, and attention-grabbing ad campaign. And, when you're ready for big money, LUXE, meet Burning Man. The primary demographic is above median income professionals looking for a brief escape, and you better believe that they would remember and appreciate your "How did I get sand in there?" Solution, and look for one when they come home. Beach resorts. Launch a short commercial with office workers talking about how crazy it is that bidets aren't in every home, and as they walk away they squeak while others squish. Use your net profit to expand the campaign, so its self-funded. The grossness is intuitive, the solution is affordable, accessible and easy to install. Have plumbers sitting with the Maytag Man because toilets aren't clogged anymore. Don't be dirty is a simple and compelling message that strikes a chord with every deodorants wearing, Glade Plug-in using, fresh laundry scented clothed American. Axe body spray is built on "Don't smell gross." "Clean your waste before you leave", will get Americans thinking, realizing, and spending. You could even go blue and sell in sex shops in the "Clean" section. Not LUXE, the bidet is dead simple to install. It's only hard if your toilet seat screws are difficult to remove, or your water lines are hard to unscrew. Other than that, clean the toilet, remove the seat and screws, insert the bidet, and put the seat back with the screws through the provided slots. Unscrew your water line, and add a splitter, so the clean water straight from the pipes flows from your bidet. You can even split the water line from your sink, it's the exact same thing. You can set the water pressure anywhere from colonic to dribble by adjusting the water valve on the wall/under the sink. Simple clean water spritz, and you're squeaky clean, sparkling and shimmering into the rest of your day. Buy one, then buy more.