Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship

I know this book is more meant for any loved ones or other family members of someone with BPD but as someone with BPD myself i actually really enjoy reading this book. I can relate and associate with allot of what's being said and in allot of areas felt i was reading about myself it's so accurate in so many ways, I felt i could really connect with the author and i am not a book lover or reader but this book kept me intrigued and wanting to read more, some books i've read in the past about BPD make me rather depressed, angry and sad as they are written appallingly. Unlike other books and online websites this book does not insult, patronise, scaremonger or anything like that, it's by far the most informative, easy to understand and least insulting/patronising book i have read about BPD, which in my opinion makes a big difference for people like me with BPD and any loved ones or other family members who want to learn more about it, it's like a manual but written in a manor that is empathetic and understanding to persons with BPD and anyone who reads it. The author of this book 'Shari Y. Manning' clearly demonstrates that she understands what she is talking about. From the accuracy of what she's talking about and the way it's written, this book just excels over other books on BPD which is sadly not easy to say as like i have mentioned previously allot of books about BPD are either outdated, somewhat incorrect, insulting, scaremongering just to name a few and does more harm than good whether you have BPD or just wanting to learn more about it. I highly recommend this book if you are looking to learn about BPD or like me want to get a better understanding of my illness, i think people will really appreciate this informative book and the way the author has written this book. Don't hesitate to buy if you want to learn more about BPD, it's like a manual and by far the best book available to date in my opinion.

What a great read. Gives you the perfect insight to someone with BPD.A must read.

This book was a bit too much like a text book to read and I ended up taking notes! Not all of the information and advice was appropriate or relevant to the situation I was trying to manage. However, there were sufficient helpful pointers and practical suggestions for me to recommend this as a book to a) inform about the illness and b) suggest ideas for a strategy that might help support a sufferer. Now further down the line, I would strongly recommend that you don’t over research mental illnesses. I believe that every sufferer experiences their illness in a unique way and there are greater or lesser degrees in the way that symptoms manifest themselves. Every person needs their own ‘plan’ and it takes time to develop. If you do read this book, don’t assume that every BPD sufferer presents in the same way as the extreme cases that are used as illustrations - these are extreme examples. Instead take some positives from it, adapt its ideas and maybe try some you think may suit your experience. To cope with those worst episodes, the best thing I learned from this book was (and this is highly simplified): not to judge, not to affirm negative thoughts and to just be there - often just in silence.

A brilliant insite into the most complex of minds. The book informs and educates. I have spent the last 4 years loving someone whom I knew had issues, and only recently found the answers I needed. Whilst he may not be prepared to admit 100%, he is slowly getting there, and with the help of this book I am learning how to support him. Equally important, I am learning how to help myself and ensure that in time he will get all the support he needs.

There is SO MUCH to read on Borderline Personality on the internet, most of it negative! To love someone with BPD is far from all negative! This book was recommended by therapists delivering DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) to someone I love who has BPD. It is clear, informative and extremely helpful. I wish I had read it when the diagnosis was first made and not read anything else, it would have made life a lot easier and alleviated much worry and anxiety. DBT works, this book helps you know what you can do to help rather than hinder.

Excellent book

A bit scary, possibly scarier than the actual living with someone!

I found this book helped me understand my daughter, how her mind works and how she processes things. It also teaches you how to respond to someone with BPD, when they are spiralling emotionally. I had already benefited before I finished the book, now knowing how to calm situations and help my daughter to regulate her emotions, not adding fuel to the fire as I once did. Not taking the unpleasant things she says to heart, understanding that she is just lashing out, she doesn't mean it. Keeping my emotions in check, so not to escalate things. I would definitely recommend this book.

Einfühlsam, objektiv, gut erklärend und mit wirklich hilfreichen Tipps. Ich denke, dieses Buch kann Ihnen helfen, suchen Sie als Partner/in eines/r Borderliners/in wirklich Hilfe, was SIE tun können - und was Sie nicht mitmachen brauchen (und was sie wie machen sollen). Ich als Betroffene fand jetzt die Beispiele manchmal etwas krass, aber die Ausprägung der Störung ist ja unterschiedlich. Hier lernt an das wertfreie Kommunizieren, auf die eigenen Grenzen zu achten, klar und rücksichtsvoll zu sagen, was die eigenen Bedürfnisse sind. Also wie man mit einem Borderliner kommuniziert, damit er versteht, was man von ihm möchte - und was nicht. Natürlich wird auch erklärt (eben wertfrei), wieso sich jemand mit Borderline-Störung so verhält, wie er sich verhält. Es ist sehr aufschlussreich und verständlich geschrieben. Ich finde, auch Betroffene können sich das Buch als Ratgeber durchlesen, was die Umgangsweise (Kommunikationsleitfäden, Achtsamkeit auf sich selbst) angeht. Sogar für nicht-Borderliner-Beziehungen finde ich den Part der Kommunikation, also wie man sich ausdrückt um Wünsche, Grenzen und Misstände mitzuteilen empfehlenswert. Ist allerdings auf englisch. Das sollte man können. Ich (C-Level) finde es aber nicht zu anspruchsvoll geschrieben. Wer sich auf englisch unterhalten kann, kann auch das Buch verstehen, denke ich. Große Empfehlung! Im Gegensatz zu so vielen anderen Ratgebern zum Thema, wird hier nicht Stigmatisiert, Gekränkt, Schuld hin und her geschoben, gewertet (abgewertet) oder der Borderliner als "schlecht" abgestempelt. Hier wird gezeigt, was in einem Borderliner vor geht. Und es werden Tipps gegeben, wie man sich im verhalten soll, damit es gesund für Beide Seiten bleibt. Damit der/die Angehörige sich nicht manipuliert, missbraucht, überfordert, als Monster oder sonstewie schuldig, gekränkt, enttäuscht oder befremdet fühlt. Allerdings, lässt man sich auf die Tipps ein, bedeutet das auch viel Arbeit an einem selbst. Eine Art sich öffnen für neue Wege und loslassen von Vorwürfen ist schon wichtig. Es ist eben Arbeit im Beziehungsalltag. Verstehen allein reicht ja noch nicht. Im Grunde basiert das Buch auf der DBT. Eine Therapieform für Borderliner. Die Grundaussage ist meiner Meinung nach: Wertfreies Betrachten der EIGENEN Gefühle, schauen, wo die EIGENEN Bedürfnisse sind, ob sie angemessen sind. Schauen, was man selbst tun kann für sein Wohl. Schauen, wo die eigenen Grenzen sind. Und das genannte Kommunizieren dessen. Achtsam vor allem mit sich selbst sein eben. Ich habe mehere Ratgeber zum Thema angeschaut. Diesen finde ich mit Abstand den Besten. Besonders für Angehörige, die einen DBT-Therapierten Borderliner im Boot haben. Falls der Betroffene kein DBT gemacht hat, wird es eventuell sehr viel schwieriger werden, Zugang zum Betroffenen zu finden, trotz Buch und durcharbeiten, denke ich. Ich hoffe, ich konnte Ihnen helfen. Männliche + Weibliche Anredeformen hab ich jetzt drucheinander geschmissen. Ich meine natürlich beide Geschlechter, auch erwähne ich es nicht immer. LG Hanne

Very well written book with real life example for person with borderline disorder and their loved ones

Useful tool for introduction for DBT skills

This is one of the best and most practically useful books on any subject that I have ever read. Even when I was only halfway through it, the tips and suggestions in this book already started working wonders on my interactions with an individual whom I suspect of having a mild case of undiagnosed BPD and made me recognize some of the things I had been doing wrong, despite the best of intentions. Wow! I have now finished the book, and my overwhelming impulse is to immediately start over from the beginning and repeatedly reread it, as there is a lot to absorb and apply here. I would ultimately like to get the point where I have almost memorized the third and fourth chapters, which address the roots of BPD and the basic building blocks of an effective approach to dealing with someone who has it. As a bonus, at the end, the author provides a multitude of references and resources for people who want to delve further into the subject in a hands-on manner. As an unexpected but extremely welcome side effect, I find that I have now been able to get in tune with my own emotions in ways that I had never previously managed to do. Reading this book is helping me to be my full self and stop channeling negative personality characteristics and behavior patterns of others that I had always cringed at, which I had never realized I was doing. The book is a very easy read, being written in a non-academic, highly conversational manner with dozens of real life illustrations and a nice dose of subtle humor. Ninety-nine percent of what the author says makes perfect sense to me, and I like that she is not judgmental about same sex relationships, which at least one other currently popular book on BPD apparently is. Don’t be put off by the publication date (2011). While there has undoubtedly been more recent research on the topic, the practical wisdom that this book imparts is classic. I did not find it dated in any significant way. It seems to me that many principles articulated in the book can be effectively applied to dealing with almost anyone, whether or not affected by BPD and whether or not a love relationship is involved. And I am sure that there are gradations of BPD and that many more people are affected by it or by elements thereof to varying degrees, depending on their personal histories and circumstances, than we generally realize. If everyone with an open mind were to read this book and take it seriously and attempt in good faith to implement its tips and suggestions in appropriate situations, we would have a far more civilized and happy society, with much higher quality and more effective personal interactions and fewer personal crises. In sum, a total, life-changing winner! I cannot recommend this book highly enough.

I’m a young female living with BPD, I read this book and learnt many new things about my disorder. I’ve passed this book onto my family and my partner to read as well so they are better able to identify certain patterns/behaviours, and have a better understanding of how they can best help me while I’m working towards recovery.