The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture

As Dr. Gabor Maté so eloquently explains in The Myth of Normal, trauma strikes just about everyone in life, in ways seen and unseen. And, as he states early in the work, we know we've personally experienced it when we find ourselves forever changed by it. Sometimes, all it takes to make a book stand out is just one aspect that suddenly opens up a world of understanding. For me, this one simple definition of trauma -- its telltale sign -- was nothing short of revelatory. I found it so meaningful that, had it been the only insight I gleaned from this exhaustive work, I would have been completely satisfied with my purchase. But, as I read on, this one insight became a wealth of insights. In both breadth and depth, this book is truly exceptional. For those who've experienced significant trauma, beware. Like Bessel van der Kolk's seminal bestseller, The Body Keeps the Score, The Myth of Normal is not a comforting read, particularly in its early chapters when Maté explains how traumatic events can lead to disease, personality disorders, and addictions in its victims years, even decades, later. It's sobering to learn just how much power primary caregivers unwittingly have over their children's mental, emotional and physical health well into adulthood. That's why this book should be a must-read for anyone raising or planning to raise a child. Maté makes it clear, however, that parents are not the sole influence of their children's health and well-being. In fact, much of the book deals with what he considers toxicities inherent in today's society that present challenges for even the best of parents. These toxicities are staggering in scope and pertain to everything from pop culture to race, gender, class, politics and even our late-stage capitalism. Maté leaves virtually no stone unturned in showing us just how much in our world today can traumatize us without our even realizing it. It's a lot to digest, but his writing remains consistently compelling and thought-provoking. If you choose this one for a book group, be prepared for an all-night discussion about cultural toxicities alone. Of course, no book on trauma would be complete without suggestions for healing. In the book's final chapters, Maté offers what he calls "pathways to wholeness," clarifying at the outset that his definition of healing is not an "end state" but a "movement towards" wellness. This distinction spares us the false hope of a magic cure because, again, as Maté makes clear, trauma's telltale sign is its imprint on us forever. The sheer tenacity of its effects is no doubt why Maté's pathways include the holistic approaches of curiosity, understanding, self-compassion, and acceptance, among others. Maté also touches on the use of psychedelics in treating trauma, adding a fascinating account of his personal "communion with God" in a Peruvian rain forest which, to his surprise, suffused him with profound insights that he brought to this work. He makes it clear, though, that his focus is not on finding or endorsing a magic medicinal cure, but rather on society and our need to recognize how it's hurting us. It all starts, he says, with "shedding the toxic myths" of what we've come to accept as normal. It all comes down to "waking up." Well, this book not only woke me up but kept me reading well into the night. I'll read it again. It's really that deserving.

I had never heard of Dr. Mate until I listened to a recent interview that Dr. Mark Hyman had with him about this book. What great timing for me, as I have been struggling with a series of health issues that I now connect in part to job stresses, residues of growing up in a dysfunctional home, and the difficulties of trying to survive in an increasingly "toxic" society. Dr. Mate's introductory story about the surfacing of feelings from his infant self (as a 70+ year old) drew me in immediately. I am almost 54 and still have pockets of repressed/suppressed feelings that need to be cleared, so I recognized myself as Dr. Mate revealed different aspects of his personal story in this book. The weaving into the book of Dr. Mate's personal experiences and the personal stories of many survivors of abuses in childhood resonated with me, as I, too, survived some awful events in childhood. The breadth and depth of material covered in this book is incredible, and backed up with a long list of scientific research that is well documented at the end of the book. Although complex topics are covered (for example, epigenetics, or changes in expression of genes due to signals from the environment; stresses to a mother during pregnancy can be transmitted to the growing baby; multigenerational transfer of trauma), Dr. Mate writes in a very down to earth way that I could easily understand. There were so many light bulb moments for me when reading this book ... like it helped me realize that I almost never expressed anger openly towards my parents while growing up (even though I should have based on how they treated me). My way of surviving in my dysfunctional family was to be compliant, quiet and not call much attention to myself. Well, that worked for awhile as a child and into early adulthood, but the repressed anger and sadness were still stored in my psyche and body, and CONTINUE to affect me and how I relate to people. I went into a scientific career where I could blend in behind the scenes and not call too much attention to myself. This book helped me better understand that the childhood adaptations that automatically happen to survive a dysfunctional family helped me survive. But, now I am ready for the healing (becoming whole) that Dr. Mate talks about in his book. I have been listening to additional YouTube videos that feature Dr. Mate's work. This book has helped me immensely and led me to other authors that I think will be helpful to me (for example, Bessel Van der Kolk and Tara Brach). For me, the book brought awareness to some of my personal issues, and helped me better understand the multi-generational transfer of trauma. I have more compassion for myself, my parents and people, in general. Thank you, so much, Dr. Mate!

A vital work that looks at our present social reality with unflinching honesty, and points a way forward to a just, saner, and healthier society.

This book is a gift from Dr. Gabor for everyone. I appreciate all the time, research, interviews, and personal stories that author has shared. It teaches you to understand your life. What I thought good or bad before, now has different definition. Such a humble and yet touching way to talk about deepest emotions that one might hide. Explaining reasoning behind so much that consciously we don't have answers. It is 562 pages. There are parts that will resonate with one and the book becomes not an easy read. I loved the last 100 pages where he talks about how to navigate and gives steps. What I struggled with the book is I had to look up definitions of some words. Maybe, its my own vocabulary issue. I have to mention, this was not an issue in any away to convey the message. I enjoyed the book tremendously.

Un libro importantissimo da leggere per capire come siamo fatti e cone veniamo costruiti da bambini, l'impatto delle difficoltà etc. Consigliatissimo particolarmente per le persone che lavorano con bambini o hanno bambini, per i medici, carabinieri etc. Per tutti ❤️❤️

Muito rico,muitas histórias e referências. Muito boa leitura, cheio de insights, com uma visão incrivelmente humana e empática do mundo.

Slogging through social views that are a denial of the hatred, exploitation and fear of women and children is hard enough. To have the constant politeness war rage on while you're gaslighted about it, and it's the "normal" of life is harrowing. This book is a compassionate vivisection of the ideas of normal with which we are attempting to navigate our daily lives, and for those of us a bit more aware, attempting to shed and replace with something that better meets our needs. It is a support and structure for the efforts to expose, challenge, change and repair ourselves without judging, and with a touch of dry humor. There are few books out there worth the money in trying to learn with the intent to heal. There are fewer groups that can help implement them. This book is one that invites you to read as a group, and share as a group. I've found it a place that allows you to struggle, but then encourages you to accept, pick yourself up, and keep moving forward - a trusted companion in a battle still so many deny is taking place. It has been strengthening for me. When I've pointed out there's something off about the logic of an argument, I often find that reflected in detail, the work done for me, in this book. There have been few times I've wished for more to be said, however, he's not writing a social critique, so there is only so much. Now I hunger to see his efforts being respected by acceptance and intelligent repertoire within the streams we find our "normal" so that we can find support with one another outside of a book cover. Grateful for Gabor Mate, his sons efforts to aid him in providing these works, his writings, and especially his courage in being a source of awareness, momentum, sustainable growth and healing change.

I bought hard cover and it was really interesting book

Amazing, interesting, insightful book that will help millions of people, I'm sure