Torn (All Torn Up, 1)

This is gonna be a long one (like maybe the longest I've ever written)... so, get comfy ;) This book was unfreakingbelievably AMAZING ... and that's putting it mildly. It had everything I could want in a book: engaging characters, one of which is an AWESOME book boyfriend ;), terrific writing, and a well developed plot line. I highlighted so many parts of this book because of all the perfect moments there were. I know this book seems controversial, and if everything is taken out of context, it might seem "creepy." But it's not. It's far freaking from it. I honestly couldn't imagine Tor and Kenzi falling in love with anyone else, they were perfect together <3 And I'm not saying this in the sense that they had chemistry or somehow they just "worked" together. No, this author genuinely crafted a wonderful novel and made it clear that they really were soulmates. -Kenzi- Being the daughter of two rockstars made her experience growing up different than most. One of the results is that she is much more mature than most of the people her age. You can tell the difference in how she thinks and even how she interacts with her best friend, Chloe. Growing up is about a lot more than age. Growing up is about the experiences you have, and Kenzi's had a lot. She isn't in that weird place that most teenagers are in where they are struggling to find themselves. Kenzi knows what she wants. "Is it too fifties to want to get married and have kids?" I love when women can confidently state that this is something they want. Because no, there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay home and take care of your family. Not at a all, it's a job too and with Kenzi's tender nature and already having experienced a "wild phase" by vicariously living through her parents, it makes a lot of sense. She doesn't see Tor as someone to love right away, but once she does realize it, she doesn't hold back. Kenzi chases him and never wavers in her feelings. And what proved her maturity even more was her discussions with Tor. She laid out her feelings, and they talked about the problems and what they wanted. It never felt juvenile or like he was pressuring her. In fact, he's pretty torn up about it. But, at the end of the day, she knows it's Tor she wants and she sees him for what he's always been. "When I look at you, I don't see my father's friend, or my uncle, or my godfather, or an older man. All I see is the person I've always loved and has always made me happy." -Tor- Good God, he was perfect. I feel bad for the next few books I'll read because the bar is pretty damn high right now. He was absolutely incredible and I have many quotes to prove it (and this is the narrowed down list). I mean how can you not swoon at these lines... "I'm just waiting for the one that makes me feel like forever wouldn't be long enough." "I just want that magical feeling I wrote about years ago when I used to write the lyrics for the band’s rock ballads. I want crazy f***ing love. I want someone that'll never let me go. I want to wake up to my best friend every day." "The moment I kissed Kenzi, she became the One. Maybe she always was." "Young love... first love is so innocent. So pure and trusting. So all encompassing. I shouldn't be on the receiving end of that love from her at my age, but in all honesty, she's my first love, too. "I think I'm falling in love with her, and I'm powerless to stop it. I can feel it, like a train with no brakes, coming faster and faster, straight for me. Soon, it's going to crash, and it's not going to be pretty." And then there's this... I freaking LOVE this... he's discussing his celibacy for the past six+ months, and his sister tells him it's "impressive" that he's abstained. His response: "No, it's love. I only want her. That's it." Like YES! Why is this a hard concept?! It's not like your dick will fall off if you don't use it every four seconds... I'm tired of reading books where the guy physically can't keep it in his pants. He was so dedicated to Kenzi. And in regards to the other women in his life, I never really got the feeling he loved them. Tor is simply tired of being overlooked. He had to give up his dreams in order to take care of his family when his father died, watching his friends go on and get famous without him. Then he gets his crush, which is Kenzi's mom, "stolen" from him by Asher, his best friend. I could see some people being bothered by this. But honestly, I didn't feel that he wanted Ember as much as he just didn't want to be second best. I mean, they were 15 years old. And I'm not saying 15 year olds don't know what love is, but I think more often than not, the "love" teenagers feel is often a crush/infatuation. And I think from that point on, Tor just wanted someone he could trust and love, and know that he was this person's number one. When he talks about these things later on, he says, "I'm not going to be anyone's second choice." And when Asher takes Ember's attention that first day at 15 years old, Tor thinks, "I can feel myself slipping into the background." He's not necessarily just thinking about Ember, he's thinking about himself being overlooked, not being enough. I felt the same way with Sydni and Lisa (his relationships before Kenzi). Personally, I don't believe Tor loved either of them. Again, he just wanted a connection. Even though Sydni's relationship with him spanned (intermittently) 12 years, I think it was a comfort thing. But with Kenzi, he knows he's her number one. She's been showing him since she was a little kid, and it's not weird or unsettling. It's all just really beautiful. *Also, I'm really glad he had relationships during that time. I totally understand the concept of not wanting the hero or heroine to sleep around after meeting the "one," but if the "one" happens to be six years old... yeah... that'd be weird for me. I think if he hadn't had relationships it would have been really strange. And like I said, he didn't love them, so I really didn't mind. He was all about Kenzi. We get a lot of great flashbacks of Kenzi when she was younger, and we get to see how non-creepy Tor was. It was one hundred percent normal. And while he takes some convincing (because he is a really good guy and doesn't want to betray his friend like that), once their relationship does change, he doesn't shy away. He's with her. Full stop. "Is it possible that falling in love doesn't always start when we think it might, and sometimes, it starts way before we're ready, and grows slowly over time, allowing two people to truly fall in love with every aspect of each other?" I loved this theme. I think it's awesome what this author did. It is not a conventional love story, but I felt it so deeply. She took such care with the characters and it seemed like every single word was carefully thought through. It was absolutely breathtaking. Now about the ending. While I do agree with others, I didn't love how long the separation was (or some of the particulars around the reconciliation) and I wished their HEA was longer, I was able to overlook it. I think it was more realistic to give them that time apart because Asher would not have come around much quicker. And I'm satisfied knowing that Tor and Kenzi will be back in Asher's book and we'll get to see more of their HEA <3 <3 Oh, and can we talk about Asher?! I freaking loved him and his devotion to Ember! "He thinks he can love her back to life, Tor. That's what he believes." I can't wait for his story!! :)

This was the slowest burn ever. And when you get to it🌶️ it’s not 🌶️ at all (that was disappointing). I read for the 🌶️ but this book did not need it. The story has an ick factor to it but hey, it’s a book not real life so whatever. The story was amazing, the characters were easy to love. I loved the fight. Omg, that scene almost gave the book 5 stars. So good, it felt so real and emotional. But I didn’t like what the FMC did so I removed a star. This is a really good book. I was hesitant to read it but the author delivered. Forget the ick and read the book. It’s so good. It’s up there on my favorite forbidden trope, birthday girl, Older and this are my top 3.

Oh my aching heart!!!!! TORN, a forbidden love story about a hot, hard bodied biker and the sweet, innocent young woman whose spirits have been tethered together ever since he cradled her in his arms as a newborn babe, gave me so many shivery, fluttery feels I may never recover!! This is my first novel by the extraordinarily gifted Carian Cole but she is now officially on my immediate 1-click author list! She writes with such a stunning depth of raw emotion and crafts her characters with such precision, complexity and HEART it is awe-inspiring!! So if you have preconceived notions that TORN is just another taboo older man/younger woman forbidden romance, rest assured, it is not!!!! It is beauty and grace, hope and joy, angst and despair, and soul burning love blossoming against all odds, enveloped into one exquisite love story. TORN follows the lives of Toren Grace, a roughhewn confirmed bachelor who runs the local bike shop, and Kenzi Valentine, a wiser then her years 17 year old whose heart is firmly rooted in her hometown. She is a pure hearted country girl with simple dreams who yearns for the comfortable familiarity of small town life surrounded by her loved ones. Toren once had big rock star dreams and was part of the Ashes & Embers band but had to leave all that behind to fulfill family obligations when tragedy struck. But he's paved a very comfortable life for himself and he pours all his passion into running Devils Wolves dog rescue in his spare time. It fills his life with purpose yet there is still an aching void in his life that only one woman on earth can fill. Kenzi. The soulful romance between Tor and his sweet “Angel" is masterfully layered, and the torturous push-pull between this couple is OFF-THE-CHARTS!!! One aspect that truly adds to this book's allure for me is that is not insta-love...there is no abrupt shift from close, platonic friendship to a blazing red hot affair but a GRADUAL awakening. A slow flickering attraction that eventually ignites into a full raging inferno. “Thinking back, I can't deny that some of these feelings started to grow in me a very long time ago, like a seed that's been slowly blossoming over the years, growing as we grew together." You truly FEEL every pang of their emotional turmoil as they secretly pine for one another and struggle against their forbidden feelings. Most especially hot tatted loner Tor, who is wracked with guilt over his “inappropriate” lust for his best friend Ash's DAUGHTER! He has been there for every single milestone in her life, watching over her and guiding her with a fierce pride and tender affection as she blossomed from adorable, feisty little girl to beautiful, effervescent young woman.. While Kenzi also knows her "infatuation" for her father's best friend is forbidden, she has always known on some instinctual level that "Uncle" Tor is the man she's destined to marry and wears her heart on her sleeve even if it ends up getting ripped to shreds in the process. "I love this man without end. No matter what, I know that will never, ever change. He is my heart." It kills Tor to see the sting of anguish and rejection in his Angel's gorgeous green eyes every time he nobly tries to push her away. He's used to wiping away her tears and kissing away her boo-boos, not being the cause of them. But how can he possibly surrender to his feelings for his best friend's kid? But then again how can he let his one chance of happiness slip away? Kenzi's the perfect love he's been searching for his whole life. Too bad she's strictly off limits!! "I think I'm falling in love with her, and I'm powerless to stop it. I can feel it, like a train with no brakes, coming faster and faster, straight for me. Soon, it's going to crash, and it's not going to be pretty. But my heart is telling me this is my girl, my other half—the one I've been waiting for." Brace yourself for major FIRWORKS when they finally surrender to their torturous desire! Enticingly erotic and scorching hot, the love scenes are tinged with an undercurrent of sweet sensuality and heartfelt emotion--a natural, organic culmination of the profoundly touching love story that has been building throughout. "I want you to be my first. I want you to be my last. I want you to be all the in-betweens. I want you. Just you. Only you. And I want to be all yours, in every way." True love runs deep for Kenzi and Tor but will they be permanently torn asunder when they are forced to deal with the catastrophic fallout of their forbidden passion? "She promised me forever. She made me believe I could have it. I'll never let her go...but I have to set her free." Ahh...the secret yearning! The heartache! The family bonfires!! The stolen kisses!! The naughty sexting! The Devils Wolves animal rescue! The wishing moments!!! Snuggles the bunny, Diogee and Kitten!!! I cannot muster enough words to describe how utterly INTOXICATING this book is! Torn INFLAMED my heart, STIRRED my soul, made me SWOON in ecstasy, WEEP with anguish, and SIGH in rapturous delight. While the chemistry between Toren and Kenzi is passionate, intense and oh-so-combustible, there is an underlying tenderness and bittersweet nostalgia to this tale that is spellbinding!! Tor and Kenzi rank up there with my most beloved romance couplings of all time because there is just so much more to their connection than primal physical attraction--they are true soulmates in every sense of the word. I loved Tor to pieces...he is such a gentle, broodingly sexy Alpha with a sensitive soul and surprising romantic streak that belies his macho biker persona! But he also has a volatile, fiercely possessive side and that makes your toes curl! Soft-hearted good girl Kenzi is so innately kind and achingly innocent, truly beautiful in the inside and out, and sighhhh... the way she loves Tor with every fiber of her being is heartmelting. But her life is far from charmed. Her struggle to come to terms with the tragedy that befell her mother and having to bear witness to her dad’s never-ending sorrow over the absence of his one true love is heartwrenching. This book is chock full of SO MANY quietly profound moments and poignant rituals, big and small!!! One of my favorite aspects is that the protagonist’s extended friends and family and the animals they love so unconditionally are such a vital part of the tapestry of this story. And I think it's brilliantly effective how the author infuses their present relationship with a rich sense of history by providing, via brief yet incredibly poignant flashbacks, snapshot glimpses chronicling their relationship with each other and other key players in pivotal stages of their lives. In closing, just do yourself a favor and snuggle up with this BREATHTAKING book! I won't say how it all ultimately plays out, but after all the joy and tears, forbidden longing, soul-burning passion and soul-shattering angst, I am left basking in the sweet afterglow! This beautiful, enthralling love story is a true treasure, and should be at the top of every hopeless romantic’s TBR List!

4.5 Stars...... Twisted to some, maybe, Warped to some, probably BUT Fantastic Read for ME! Spoilers Ahead!!!!!!! BE WARNED do not read further if you don't want any spoilers! Wow, just wow, I absolutely LOVED this story! This was my first read by this author so I was anxious and nervous throughout, not know what to expect. For me this story was fantastic, the storyline, yes a bit warped, taboo even, but hey depends on how each individual feels about the subject matter BUT for me, I was completely fine with it. I was never skewed or creeped out at all by it but that's just me. Do I like to venture off of my nice neat path of reading every so often, heck yes and this book was no exception to that. I found the writing seamless, the storyline moved flawlessly. I loved getting glimpses into the past as I navigated the present as it helped set up the staging in just the right way. I found it was done tastefully, classy, lol, yes that's right, this author took a taboo or rather "forbidden" romance and made it "perfect" for me. I loved getting to know the characters, their backstory, etc.... Will this story be for everyone, probably not but that's the beauty of having a free and open mind, me personally, I could;t wait t get my hands on this story. As soon as I saw it was live, BAM, I one-clicked and got started immediately:) Why not a full 5 Stars, well as minor as it is, the last part of the book and I do mean the last maybe 10-15% for me, I wasn't all that crazy about. I am not a fan of "separations" for my H and h and although I understood what the author was trying to do I just didn't like it, sorry that's just my feelings. I felt it was unnecessary for me, anyways. I would have liked more time of them together in the open than apart if that makes sense working it out with her dad, the rest of family, etc. I found the ending though was PERFECT, oh yes absolutely PERFECT BUT with that being said, I also felt the last part leading up to the Epilogue was too rushed for me. I selfishly not only wanted but needed more "wrapping up" if that makes sense. Not only did I want more time with them, with the dad, heck, more importantly, I wanted to read about her mom, Ember's "situation" and how everything came about with that aspect of the story so for that I deducted a half star from what I felt was a beautiful and heartbreaking love story. This story was chock full of emotion, I was seriously hanging on every word throughout but what had me squirming and getting all crazy giddy was the physical chemistry between these two. The build-up was great but when they finally got together it was a full 5 alarm fire.....HOT!!!!!!! When I say this author can write sexy, sexual, erotic like nobody's business, I mean it and I savored all of those parts of the story, lol. I can't say enough, I LOVED it!!!!! Congrats to you Author Carian Cole, I am a huge fan! Your books that I have had on my Kindle will be read very soon because your writing had me swooning, had me hooked, had me in an emotional and sexual haze through the entire read, lol.... This was a book I only put down once because other than that I could NOT put it down! Simply fantastic! Some may think I am crazy but I say I was crazy in love with this book:)

Good and easy read but so, so slow. I think I made it as far as I did (over half way, maybe 7 chapters left?) and I finally lost patience after dragging myself even that far out of sheer stubbornness bc the thought process went something like: “well, I’ve read this much”. I appreciated the struggles and the hardships and the logic’s behind all of these characters hangups with their relationship together. And I will never knock an author who thinks of struggles like this in depth instead of glossing, smoothing, and in some instance, flat out ignoring, realistic things that can happen in a relationship/ situation like this. But for as much as I appreciated this layering and the friction and havoc it was causing these characters, the very real bumps it made along their journey, gosh did it take FOREVER. And that’s really my only complaint. How it just dragged. On. And. On. And. On. Getting Tor to even really look at his feelings for Kenz was like pulling molars, no gas. Kenz being wracked by insecurity’s and her age made sense and her upbringing helped create the foundation for where she was at in her life and what she wanted from it but it was still a bummer she wasn’t more ambitious. She was proactive and determined about her feelings with Tor but she never really evolved further passions in succeeding for herself in her calligraphy business or modeling. (I could be speaking out of my arse rn tho, 7 chapters are missing aside from the epilogue) and it was cute but cringe at how much she confirmed to Tors life and shrunk herself down even tho it’s all she wanted simply bc she herself as a character continued to come off as someone who never put herself out there. The words “frigid prude” from earlier chapters might not be so far off the marks after all- sans the frigid of course. Idk. I was looking for a hot romance and instead ran into a Nicholas Sparks novel. Bummer.

4 stars I’m a big man, muscled with long hair and tattoos. I love pets and beat bad guys abusing dogs I rescue. Handy I can repair your ride. I love babysitting and took care of my niece from her birth till teenagehood. If you can’t sleep I could serenade you as I was in a rock band. Responsible and selfless I gave up my dream to take care of my family once my dad died. I’m lonely and looking for my last relationship as I’m tired of meaningless sex. I want someone to love me for me and help me rescue abused animals. OK, that’s not in the book but in a nutshell, this is Tor. What would you do if you read such add in your local newspaper? Answer right away and catch the guy , right? Right? Tor is best book boyfriend material. I still love Lukas to death, he is my favorite of Carian’s heroes but Tor really was a close one. What I loved in this book: -The main characters. I won’t say more about Tor because I could go on and on but he was not the only loveable main character. Kenzi was a sweet girl, very easy to like. She is young, younger than Tor by fifteen years but she knows what she wants. Like Lukas in Ashes and Embers series, she’s wise beyond her age. She’s always been surrounded by adults. From a very young age she went on tour with her famous parents seeing some drunks or drugged people. Now she only wants to settle down, have a family to care for, a house and some pets. She does not dream of fame or travelling or living the classic college girl’s life. -The childhood memories. Each chapter begins with some memory retelling, be it from Tor or Kenzi’s point of view and they were super cute! I melted on the spot so many times… Let me give you a taste: Kenzi is five years old and Tor is twenty. He’s just lost his dad and is in Asher’s house, so sad. ”Come on Kenzi, it’s time for bed. Uncle Tor needs some time alone” “No…” She climbs onto my laps and hugs me. “He can’t be alone, mommy.” … “Uncle Tor?” she whispers when her parents are gone? “Yeah?” “Your Daddy went to Heaven?” I take a deep breath. “That’s right, Angel. He did.” She hugs me tighter. “Don’t be sad. We can share my Dadd.” Awwww, cuteness overload! -The connection between Tor and Kenzi. She was the center of his world from the first instant, he did so many sweet things to make her happy. He dried her tears, he gave her a bunny, rescued her from prom night gone bad,… He was her hero, he was her “uncle” without blood ties, her friend and later… -The taboo. They want to be together but Tor fought his feelings so hard! He wanted to be the noble man, not the one who “betrayed” his best friend. ”If we care about each other, love each other and want each other…is that wrong? And if it is, then why? Because of our ages? Because he is my dad’s best friend? Because he’s taken care of me? Do thos things make it wrong …or do they actually make it more right? Why is it acceptable to get involved with a total stranger, who could do any number of things to hurt you or betray you, but not get involved with someone who has cared about you since the day you were born?” My only complaint? The middle of the book felt “slower”. In the beginning of the story Tor and Kenzi realize their feelings are changing. From then on both battle with what they should do and what they want to do. Then, it slows down and I found it lightly repetitive in some ways but that’s just to gain momentum in the last part of the book and end on a perfect epilogue. Carian Cole remains one of my “to go to” authors when I’m in the mood for beautiful romance stories filled with amazing guys, loveable heroines, adorable pets and the right amount of angst.

I just finished this and I'm wrapped up in so many emotions. Toren and Kenzi"s story is beautiful. The author develops these characters so well that I felt like they were real people who I knew of in real life. There are various , short time jumps into the past which really enriches the action happening in the present. The way this is written gives us a seat - front and center - as a love story 18 years in the making unfolds. The dialogue between characters and the emotions displayed are mature and well conveyed. This had me smiling, giggling, yearning, at times anxious, a little bit scared, and teary eyed in the best way. These characters have a soul connection and they fight for what they want, and I am so here for it.

If you believe the universe creates a matching soul for every being, our literal "other half", a fated mate born designed to complete you; you will understand and appreciate this book. You will love it even, it will be impossible not to. Torn, by Carian Cole is a thoughtfully written story of such a connection. It is a tale of two people slated by the universe to be whole. A story of one being born to complete the other and having to navigate the social and familial expectations that go along with their socially constructed lives. Twice in my life I have met people like Tor and Kenzi. Twice in 45 years, I have stood awed by a connection so powerful, so obvious, and so unobtrusively natural it takes on an almost supernatural life of its own. Twice. Only twice. But twice was enough to make me a believer in something so beautiful, so utterly unexplainable, that it has to be witnessed and felt to be believed. And it truly does defy time, space, and yes, even age. Cole treats the telling of such a tale, and each character within it, with the respect they deserve. She beautifully illustrates through Kenzi, Tor, Asher, Ember, and all others surrounding them, how each and every one of us move, live, breath, and love in our own time, and at our own pace. Torn is refreshingly intelligent. A book to be savored. A book to be pondered and reflected upon. Its layer upon layer of detail about these characters lives carefully unfold in wondrous fashion. Do not rush through it. And most importantly, don't judge it at face value. If you get bogged down by artificially created social constructs and/or don't believe in soul mates, then you may find this book unsettling. You may get stuck in the semantics of the ages, the change in the initial relationship, but don't! Don't sell this book short by being close minded. Look past the surface, really look. Because if you do, if you open your mind's eye just a tad, take the time to think, wonder even, if such a soul connection this book portrays exists, you will be emotionally rewarded. I promise you. Regardless of what side of the cosmic divide you fall on however, this book is a violently resonating piece that offers an important lesson on fear, love, and staying true to your own mind and heart. It is more than a love story. In all honesty, it is an important essay on human interaction within the confines of the "moral" boxes we as a species create for ourselves. And in all honesty, I wish there were more pieces like it. I had never read a book by Carian Cole before this one. It wasn't until after I finished it that I realized there were others before it in the series. But I am not sorry I read this one first. Torn is a much needed departure from the stupid "daddy" tropes that all too often saturate the older man/younger woman subgenre. Torn offers an intensely honest portrayal of an organically created connection based on actual love, respect, and care. It makes you think. It makes you feel. It makes you want to love unconditionally. And I loved it. And I am now a very big fan of Carian Cole!